The thing is, I kind of knew it was going to go okay when I put on the Mosquitos this morning, and when, in the middle of singing “Sunshine Barato,” I looked in the bathroom mirror and said, “T’es prête?” and then I looked back at me and said, “Ouuaaiiis.”

I got to school in no time at all, I hung out with the department secretaries and laughed off the residual nervousness, and then it was showtime and showtime was fine. I pretended I knew what I was talking about, and then it turned out I knew what I was talking about. And then there was shaking hands all around, and grins and best wishes for the future. Now I can safely unpack the cap and gown I picked up at the university bookshop a couple of weeks ago.

I guess I should feel over the moon or something, but I’m not sure what I feel. Kind of afloat, maybe. I was on the phone with Maud just now, and I think the closest we can come to describing this state is: “Yeah but no but yeah but no but.”

I went to the park and put down my blanket in the middle of the lawn, and it was good to be at the level of the grass. With my back pressed against the ground, it seemed that things were stable, somehow.