Mowmy gave me the “Louis Vuitton” bag she got me from the Kuala Lumpur Chinatown. On the inside, there is a “leather” patch that says: “Louis Vuitton. Paris. Made in France.” Ah ha ha ha. Who doesn’t like Chinese people?

Here is why else my mum is a funny one:

After dinner she said: “Would you like some fruit?”

So I said: “If by fruit you mean cake. . .”

So she said: “Cake? No, fruit. I’m not having cake tonight.”

So I said: “Is there cake other nights?”

And she thought about it and then said: “Erm. No.”